The World’s Only Blog

I love to make New Year’s resolutions, don’t you? What are yours? Oooh, really? Hey now! Woah—I’m impressed.

Geez, I’m sorry. We’re derailing this very important blog entry. Let’s continue this conversation at a later time, okay? Oh, cut it out, you!

Man, that guy’s a card. Anyway—back to me. This year, I’ve decided to focus on becoming a better person. To that end, I’ve devised this Resolutions for the Year Two-Thousand and Six:

1. Make other people lose weight.
2. Stop spitting. This includes watermelon seeds and mouthwash.
3. Spend less money on lap dances.
4. Start cutting coupons for lap dances.
5. Attain spiritual enlightenment through religious devotion to lap dances.
6. Help protect the environment of my lap for dancing.
7. Stop pretending to be a woman for attention and pity.

What are your New Year’s resolutions?