The World’s Only Blog

From Yahoo! News:

DETROIT - Kid Rock has won an initial victory in his attempt to stop a California company from releasing an explicit sex video featuring the rap-rocker, former Creed singer Scott Stapp and four women. [Link: Kid Rock Sues to Stop Sale of Sex Video]

Oh, how the pious have fallen. Poor Scott Stapp, arrested earlier this month for public intoxication, can’t seem to get a break! If you listen carefully, you can hear the world’s Youth Group leaders dejectedly shaking their heads as millions of awkward preteen girls clutch their Build-A-Bears ever tighter.

Luckily, I have his number in my Cellular Telephone, so I gave him a ring. Here’s an Exclusive World’s Only Blog Interview with Someone Famous™:

STAPP: I’m Torn! What’s This Life For when My Sacrifice fails to take me Higher? I’ve Weathered so much temptation, often With Arms Wide Open to God, but I see now that I’ve built My Own Prison. Sins are like Bullets—it only takes One to bring you down. Since my sinful behavior has come to light, I’ve been forced to draw One Last Breath and wonder, What If I had been strong enough to endure in the face of temptation?

WOB: That’s fascinating. I really respect you as a Christian and an artist. How will the revelation of this sex tape affect your career?

STAPP: Don’t Stop Dancing.

WOB: Pardon?

STAPP: Oh, I’m sorry. I was talking to Luna.

WOB: Who?

STAPP: Luna. She’s my, uh, girlfriend. Hey, hold on.

WOB: Okay.

STAPP: [Muffled] Are You Ready to receive the body of Scott Stapp?

FEMALE VOICE: [Unintelligible]

STAPP: Don’t chew it. Just let it dissolve on your tongue before swallowing.

WOB: What incredibly witty sexual innuendo!