Archive for the 'Celebrity Worship' Category

09
Mar

Roseanne Barr dyed her hair and stuff

The New Roseanne BarrRemember that TV show Roseanne? You know, the one starring John Goodman and, uh, what’s-her-name? Darlene?

Whatever happened to Roseanne after she married Tom Arnold and they had that big falling out and she said something about him having a needle-dick?

In an interview with the London Independent (by way of The Week magazine), Roseanne talks about getting back on the stand-up circuit. She also talks about all the plastic surgery she’s had done in her 20-odd-year career:

It’s weird how your face looks after plastic-surgery-ized. You can’t smile so much and your eyes don’t blink. My nose dripped constantly. They even sewed one of my ears back on crooked. No one looks better after plastic surgery. Just pink and shiny. At the end of it, you look like an idiot.

Rockin' with Roseanne - Calling All KidsHear, hear. The boys at Awfulplasticsurgery.com won’t have Roseanne Barr to kick around anymore—not that they ever cared enough to actually feature her on their site.

Did somebody say “site”? Roseanne’s got one.

And did somebody say “kid’s singalong video”? She’s got one of those, too: “Rockin’ with Roseanne - Calling All Kids.”

 

07
Mar

Yanni arrested!

From Yahoo! News:

Yanni Arrested in Alleged Domestic Dispute

[…] Yanni asked his girlfriend, Silvia Barthes, to leave his beachfront home in Manalapan on Thursday night, the police report said. Barthes, 33, told police she attempted to pack her clothing but the 51-year-old musician threw it on the ground.

She told officers he then grabbed her arms and shook her, throwing her on the bed, and jumped on top of her, according to the report.

Yanni told police Barthes kicked him, and he believed he injured his finger during the incident, the report said. […]

Y’know, taken out of context, this sounds less like a domestic dispute than some kinky, throw-you-down-and-choke-you fight-sex—all to the soothing, ephemeral whisperings of New Age piano spiraling from the heavens like rainbows made of butterflies. Erotic novel time!

As Silvia lay pinned to the bed, delirious with ecstasy, Yanni pressed his forearm against her larynx. A drop of sweat rolled off his majestic nose and into her panting mouth.

“I want you to sing for me,” he grunted as the salt spread across her tongue. “Sing for Yanni.”

“Sing!” he shouted, pressing harder against her throat with his rippling arm. “Sing for Daddy!”

Well, regardless of the cause for Yanni’s arrest, those dicks at the Betting Pool of Most Unlikely and Otherworldly Shit Imaginable owe me some serious cash.