This guy is my new best friend. If only I knew his name…
Archive for the 'Found Stuffs' Category
23
Aug
Let’s Get Some Shoes
I was getting pretty depressed about the diminishing quality of Viagra spam. There are only so many ways one can spell “Viagra” using non-alphabetic characters before it starts to feel a bit, well, cliché. But just as I had given up hope, those maverick geniuses in the unsolicited email industry delivered this gem:
Literary references in penis-pill junk mail!!! Lewis Carroll must be rolling in his grave. Or rolling halfway and getting stuck—’cause, you know, you can only roll halfway when you’re suffering from priapism.
Okay, so “…I show you how far the rabbit hole goes” is actually a reference to the (much less literary) film The Matrix. Excuse me for taking the high(-brow) road.
18
Aug
The Happy Clown?
Man, I don’t even know where to begin with this thing. I’m speechless: The Happy Clown.
There’s all kinds of funny going on there. It’s created by some cryptic person (or group?) calling themselves Bad Breath Dragon. Mysterious!
He makes me clean his navel with a wire brush.
- or -
It looks like he’s pushin’ one out through his stomach!
From Deadbeat Dad:
This is the E-Zine dedicated to the Deadbeat Dad. That scorned individual hated by his family, ex-family and anyone else who gets caught up in his messy sad story. All you deadbeats know who you are. You’re the guy living out of the back of his car, living in a single room with a bathroom down the hall, living off of the value menu at the closest fast food joint where they know you by name. You’ve got so many bill collectors after you that you just laugh when they call you. You’ve gone direct to the child support agency that serves you and requested that they just go ahead and arrest you cause you can’t take it anymore. They just look at you from behind the bullet proof class and say “next”. You’re the guy that leaves a job, your apartment, and your state all in the same day cause you know that they started taking that money out of your check again and the rent, and the utilities won’t be gettin’ paid anymore. Your ex has left town with her new husband and changed the name of your kids to the name of their new “Dad” and they have been told you’re the one who took off and deserted them. Your ex has 3 incomes and owns a new home while lying to the Welfare board about income, and you live as a permanant camper. Your’e pretty beat up aren’t ya? This page is for you Deadbeat.
Perhaps this self-proclaimed deadbeat—a fellow Austinite—found inspiration on the cover of the April 2004 edition of the Texas Travesty. (”Deadbeat Dad Monthly” is one of my favorite—and sorely underappreciated—cover parodies.)
Now that the “deadbeats” have infiltrated the internet, it’s only a matter of time before they band together and revolt. Soon the suburbs will erupt like Bodega Bay in The Birds, and squawking child support-dodgers will dive from the sky and shatter telephone booths and pluck at our skin with their mighty hooked beaks.
What Hath God Wrought?
